Evoltionary Psychology at Work: Mate Poaching - women are equally hardwired for infidelity

Stolen Kisses

By: Willow Lawson

Summary: You don’t want to know how one in five couples really meet. Wedding announcements in newspapers rarely tell the whole story. If they did, they would occasionally read something like this: "The happy couple met through her boyfriend at the time, who is the groom’s former best friend. It took four months to lure her away."

According to a new study, up to 20 percent of long-term relationships begin when one or both partners are involved with others. Evolutionary psychologists call this "mate poaching." This figure holds steady across age groups and among couples who are married, living together or dating, according to psychologists who polled some 16,000 individuals in 53 countries as part of the International Sexuality Description Project. Most surprising to researchers: Sweetheart-stealing is prevalent across continents and cultures, although it is notably less common in East Asia.

In North America, 62 percent of men and 40 percent of women say they’ve attempted to entice another’s mate for a short-term fling. Some 47 percent of men and 32 percent of women say they’ve succumbed to such attempts. The more sexual equality in a culture, the closer women come to matching men in the number of poaching attempts. The study appears in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

That males seek multiple partners is standard Darwinian theory, borne out in studies across the animal kingdom. But researchers say it is becoming increasingly clear that in humans, women are equally hardwired for infidelity. David Schmitt, lead researcher and psychology professor at Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois, says studies show women, just like men, are designed to be unfaithful and promiscuous at times. "It’s usually around ovulation," says Schmitt. Note: Thirty percent of men tested for paternity are not the true biological fathers of the children they are raising. Because of thisand other reasons like, an excessive divorce rate called for by the wife, is likely the reason that 50% of North American men, of marrying age, choose not to marry or be with a woman.

Schmitt has found that certain personality traits are more common among poachers and poachees, regardless of whether they are Estonian, Brazilian or Moroccan. The most prolific mate thieves—both male and female—describe themselves as open to new experiences, sexually attractive and willing to talk about sex. Men and women who have received the most poaching attempts also tend to have these traits. And the people who are most willing to be poached? "It’s not a pretty picture," says Schmitt. They tend to have high self-esteem but rate low on altruism, trust, straight-forwardness and modesty. "One of the key ways that poaching seems to happen," says Schmitt, "is that you get two people together who are open to talking about their sexual feelings. It’s a slippery slope."

Although many people leave onetime partners for a love that lasts a lifetime, it’s not surprising that unions that result from sexual double-crossing tend to be unstable. Arlene Goldberg, a Philadelphia psychologist and couples therapist, says the odds are always high that a cheater will cheat again. However, she says, it’s worth noting that there are dozens of reasons why people are unfaithful. "The woman who is taking care of her husband with Alzheimer’s and is seeing someone on the side isn’t having the same kind of affair as the man whose wife just had a baby and who isn’t getting as much attention as he used to."

As humans we have an infinite capacity to hurt one another! So we do!

Mate poaching causes broken relationships

Both men and women admit to stealing others’ mates in recent professor’s research

BY ERIN HARDY
Have you ever stolen someone’s boyfriend? Has someone tried to steal your girlfriend?

If this has happened to you, you’re not alone, according to a Bradley professor’s study on infidelity in romantic relationships.

Research on what he calls "mate poaching" has made psychology professor David Schmitt a hot topic around the world.

Schmitt and David M. Buss co-authored an article titled "Human Mate Poaching: Tactics and Temptations for Infiltrating Existing Relationships," which appeared in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology during the summer.

The article is based on studies the two performed to determine the criteria that exist to cause a person to steal or "poach" another away from his or her boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, for the short term, such as a one-night stand or brief affair, or for the long term, such as a serious relationship or marriage.

Schmitt, who has conducted several studies about human romantic relationships and personalities, said this research into why people try to form relationships with others who already are in relationships is the first of its kind.

Schmitt and Buss conducted surveys with college students at universities around the globe about their experiences with mate poaching.

The Bradley study caught the attention of the editors of Glamour magazine, who featured a piece called, "Q: Is ‘Mate Poaching’ Ever OK?" in the October issue.

The magazine reported that of 236 Bradley students profiled, 50 percent admitted to having stolen a partner from another, and 80 percent said someone had attempted to steal them from their partner.

"Approximately one-fifth of existing romantic relationships are the result of a previous poach," Schmitt said.

"Poaching was much more common than we thought," he said. "We thought (the incidence of poaching) would be around 10 percent, not 20 percent. And since we thought many people wouldn’t admit to poaching, we guessed the figure would be closer to 5 percent."

He warned that sometimes people "have to take these figures with a grain of salt" because study subjects do not always tell the truth.

A gender gap also exists, the study reports. Figures show that about 20 percent of men poached their current partner, with numbers slightly lower for women.

But Schmitt reports that men are far more likely to admit to poaching than women, which he blames on pressure from "the double standard that it’s OK for men to be promiscuous but that women should remain virgins until marriage."

Other factors varied between the sexes. Schmitt found that "the desire for physical attractiveness is more powerful in men than in women," while women "have a stronger preference than men have for potential mates who are willing and able to devote resources to themselves and their offspring."

In other words, men usually attempt to steal attractive women, and women usually attempt to nab wealthy, emotionally generous men.

Along with the differences between men and women, Schmitt also found specific characteristics possessed by those who poach and those for whom the poach is intended.

According to the study, both men and women who try to steal a mate tend to be disagreeable, untrusting, immodest, harsh-minded, mean, unreliable, adulterous and highly focused on sex. Poachers who were both adulterous and sexy reported the most success in poaching.

The most common objects of the poachers’ desire are extroverted, charming, cultured, intelligent, introspective, loving, romantic and physically attractive.

Those people who left their partner for the poacher tended to be neurotic, masculine, and less kind, reliable, loving and attractive than those who did not go along with the attempted poach.

Schmitt found that most of the time, attempts to steal a mate included forging an emotional connection and "being a better friend" than the current partner.

He also found that relationships are more vulnerable when they are just beginning.

He found that sometimes when a person wants to be stolen away from his mate, he or she will invite the poacher to meddle in the relationship.

Junior elementary education and psychology major Jenni Marquardt said she has experienced some of these tactics.

"A former good friend of mine was always trying to get me and my then-boyfriend in a fight and then try to comfort me, but I caught him," she said.

Freshman marketing major Joe Domzal said a friend tried a different poaching attempt on Joe’s girlfriend.

"He thought he could move in on her while I was away at college," Domzal said. "He would invite her to come over to swim, just the two of them. It threatened me a little, but then I threatened him, and I think the problem’s over."

Poaching seems to be the greatest problem in England, with 32 percent of men and 18 percent of women admitting they poached their partner from someone. The United States, Canada and Poland follow.

Countries such as Japan and Israel (9 percent and 3 percent, respectively, for men and women) reported fewer incidents, reinforcing Schmitt’s theory that culture plays an important role in poaching practices.

Schmitt said he hopes to use this and future studies to understand infidelity and be able to better counsel those with problems.

He said more effective counseling could help lessen infidelity and reduce social ills such as high divorce rates and sexually transmitted diseases.

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