Dysfuctional Women

A dysfunctional family is one in which members play rigid roles and in which communication is severely restricted to statements that fit these roles. Members are not free to express a full range of experiences, wants, needs and feelings, but rather must limit themselves to playing that part which accommodates those played by other family members. Roles operate in all families, but as circumstance change and adapt in order for the family to continue to remain healthy. Thus, the kind of mothering appropriate for a one-year-old will be highly inappropriate for a thirteen-year-old, and the mothering role must alter to accommodate reality. In dysfunctional families, major aspects of reality are denied, and the roles remain rigid

When no one can discuss what affects every family member individually as well as the family as a whole—indeed, when such discussions is forbidden implicitly (the subject is changed) or explicitly (We don’t talk about those things!) ---we learn not to believe in our own perception of feelings. Because our family denies our reality, we begin to deny it too. And this severely impairs the development of our basic tools for living life and for relating to people and situations. It is the basic impairment that operates in women who love bad boys. We become unable to discern when someone or something is not good for us. The situations and people that others would naturally avoid as dangerous, uncomfortable or unwholesome do net repel us, because we have no way of evaluating them realistically or self-protectively. We do not trust our feeling, or are actually drawn to the very dangers, intrigues, dramas, and challenges that others with healthier and more balanced backgrounds would naturally eschew.

And through this attraction we are further damaged, because much of what we are attracted to is a replication of what we lived with growing up, We get hurt all over again. No one becomes such a woman, a woman who loves bad boys, by accident.

You are attracted to unstable Bad Boys Jerks and Rats who have an unhealthy personality and traits but you are not attracted to men you find kind and stable. You see kind men as emtionally weak and sexually boring.

Robin Norwood

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