Are women hardwired to cheat? (330)

People who choose to not use self control are more likely to cheat. Especially when their hormones are running wild. This is not news or some shocking new discovery, I don't know why they tote these things around as if they are novel.

It's a moral problem not a biological problem. A woman who is in a relationship with a man who she is not really sexually attracted to will be more tempted to cheat when she is fertile because she will be horny and her man doesn't do it for her. But this is not written in stone, as human beings still have free will, she shouldn't have chosen to be with a man who she is not sexually attracted to, she could always break out the vibrator or dildo if she needs release, etc... Those who do choose to step out on their partner are making an immoral choice, and it is BS to blame it on biology.

Ali, commenting on self control? Ha!

"problem. A woman who is in a relationship with a man who she is not really sexually attracted to will be more tempted to cheat when she is fertile because she will be horny and her man doesn't do it for her."

Must be 10x as bad when it's your fiancee who does the cheating, isn't it Ali? My fiance doesn't seem to have that problem.

"My fiance doesn't seem to have that problem..."

That's because you don't have a fiance. Stop lying, D.J.

This was not my fist post advocating self control and decency instead of cheating, and it won't be my last either. Dave knows well my dissenting opinion against the evolutionary psychologists and the pseudo psychobiologists who like to blame everything on hormones and DNA.

And trying to use something that happened 5 years ago to get under my skin is not going to have the effect you want it to, DJ.

Besides, according to this article, you're going to stray once your hormones hit a high point regardless of who your long term partner is. According to the author, your fiance may not have that problem (your infidelity) right now but as time goes on...it'll be a different story. Aren't you glad I disagree with the article? There is always free will and choice. Of course if you are the kind of woman who doesn't really believe in reciprocity and only seem to care about what benefits you, that could change the dynamics significantly.

The Good Guy, shouldn't you be in your basement underneath a bare bulb writing and 9 page outline on how you plan to walk into a grocery story and unload your semi-automatic on every woman you see?

"And trying to use something that happened 5 years ago to get under my skin is not going to have the effect you want it to, DJ. "

Something you obviously still haven't let go of. So were you a deviant pervert before your fiancee cheated or did you become one after, as a way to get back at all women for what one woman did to you?

I believe biology creates a propensity to behave badly but everyone does not yield to that pressure. Still, the biological pressure is still there.

There are a lot of women taking birth control pills...this could be playing a role but still nobody has to be a slave to their urges. If you want to do something but you know you shouldn't then there is a choice to be made. Do what ought to be done or satisfy the urge. And if somebody has urges to cheat then that tells them that their partner is not the one for them and vice versa. I don't suggest people get together with somebody they aren't attracted to, that's a setup for fail. But if it came down to it they could just leave the relationship instead of cheating. That would be the honorable thing to do.

"Something you obviously still haven't let go of. So were you a deviant pervert before your fiancee cheated or did you become one after, as a way to get back at all women for what one woman did to you?"

And I have asked before and I will ask again, what have I done that is so "deviant" or "perverted"? Because this strawman argument you keep coming up with is pathetically lame. Ironically you have been the pervert in a lot of these conversations with all the graphic talk about the smell of this and the taste of that. I guess that wierdo who flashed you the family jewels must have rubbed off on you, but that's him. Why don't you go take that up with that particular guy or at least other flashing perverts. Get it in the ballpark of the people who have done that shit. Instead you have called me a peeper, a perv, a deviant and a sex offender across various threads when I have done none of the above. I may have forgotten some labels but, that pretty much sums it up. I guess when you can't argue anymore you just start making shit up. Lame. I feel bad for your fiance, he probably has no clue how fucked up in the head you are, but if he's a smart man he'll start sensing something's off before it's too late. I'll just leave it at that.

"You say I obviously haven't let go of it but who keeps bringing it up, DJ? YOU. "

You hatread for all (excuse me MOST)women in practically every post is what makes it obvious.

". Ironically you have been the pervert in a lot of these conversations with all the graphic talk about the smell of this and the taste of that."

How quickly you forget how you and Ray use to talk about "how wet DJ must get" when you post to me (dries things up like the Sahara, by the way, you know, just probably like every other woman you encounter).

"I guess that wierdo who flashed you the family jewels must have rubbed off on you, but that's him. Why don't you go take that up with that particular guy or at least other flashing perverts. Get it in the ballpark of the people who have done that shit. Instead you have called me a peeper, a perv, a deviant and a sex offender across various threads when I have done none of the above. I may have forgotten some labels but, that pretty much sums it up. I guess when you can't argue anymore you just start making shit up. Lame. I feel bad for your fiance, he probably has no clue how fucked up in the head you are, but if he's a smart man he'll start sensing something's off before it's too late. I'll just leave it at that. "

This isn't just after merely one post of yours. I've always thought you were dangerous and not merely a pervert, but someone who would be abusive (at the very least mentally abusive) as well. I would say I am worried about your girlfriend (and even her child) but I am pretty sure you made that up just to "win" the argument with Mamasan (remember, you were arguing with her about single mothers? If you conveniently don't remember I will post a link to the thread for you). You mentioned your "single mother girlfriend" on that thread and never again. I also have links to threads where you made women so uncomfortable they decided to never post here again. You are counting on nobody looking at the history of hateful things you've said about women, but I got them bookmarked. I STILL say you are a hateful, perverted, potentially violent (if not already) man who has great capability to be physically and verbally abusive to women. Go on living in your bubble where you think you're actually a good person. Maybe one day the police will burst that bubble for you.

""I guess that wierdo who flashed you the family jewels must have rubbed off on you"

I could have been attacked/assaulted, and you've tried to reduce it to something comical. You even referred to it on the original thread and followed up with an LOL. You think a woman potentially getting sexually assaulted is funny? Something that's no big deal? If I had not read your hundreds of other hateful posts against women I might ignore this, but coming from someone like you it dismissive, permissive behaviour. Would you use the phrase "flashed you the family jewels " if it happened to a female family member? Would you try to find the humor in it then? Knowing you, you'd probably would.

That you sit here and try to give advice to others is pathetic. Wisdom doesn't always necessarily come from experience, but a man who obviously lacks experience in maintaining a healthy relationship and has resentment based on that obviously will tinge his "advice" based on his bias.

No they are not hardwired to cheat. Men are not hardwired to cheat either. People should not make promises they cannot keep, and should not date or marry people who they have no intentions of being faithful to...that is the issue behind all of this. Valid points were made here, if we can only keep down the infighting the topic might actually become productive.

"Valid points were made here, if we can only keep down the infighting the topic might actually become productive"

A man looking to bash women will find this site productive. Anyone looking for REAL relationship advice is SOL.

Remember, it is the evolutionary psychologist that keep preaching that we are hardwird to cheat. I've always hoped they were wrong.

"D J", I don't see any bashing of women in this thread, but I see that you are doing some bashing of your own. So who is it that is making this discussion unproductive? You could leave some actual comments about the topic, but instead you choose to attack posters as if this is going to solve anything. Then it's other people's fault that this blog isn't productive?

Dave people are hard wired to procreate and survive and things like that. But beyond that, the rest of this comes down to character. HOW you procreate, HOW you survive, that is not written into your genetic code, that is what you choose for yourself, otherwise it suggests that human beings, despite our capacity for original thought, creativity, ingenuity, range of emotions, and the ability to understand complex concepts, weigh the pros and cons of something and make an informed decision...even capable of spirituality...that despite all of this...that we are little more than animals or fleshy robots operating on autopilot. Are you human?

""D J", I don't see any bashing of women in this thread"

The operative words being "IN THIS THREAD." I notice when the thread deviates from topic, but is critical of women, there isn't any oposition from the ususal suspects. A few weeks ago a young woman posted about problems with her relationship and someone responded with how American women like to be treated badly. The response had NOTHING to do with what the young woman was posting about, yet no issue was made of it. In the almost 5 years I've been coming to this site, I've noticed no matter how off topic, how harsh or how inaccurate criticism of women is, it is rarely questioned (and by certain posters, not questioned at all). When I initially came to this site, it was for relationship advice. I quickly learned unless I felt that being told I was a whore/chasing bad boys/a golddigger/emasucaling my bf/illogical/second class to a man (and so on) was helpful advice, then there was no truly helpful advice to be had. There use to be several women and a few men who used to post here who truly did offer helpful advice, but they could not reason with the posters here who felt women are to blame for every problem that exists. Why do you think that most of the thread titles are geared towards criticising women? Because that is mainly what this blog is about, and to a much lesser degree, relationships.

Ecclesiastes 7:26

"I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare."

Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?

Proverbs 20:6

I often wonder how the proponents of the Cheater's Rationalization Society feel about mandatory paternity testing, and who should be held responsible for any children that come from these extracurricular matings. But the answer to that would be quite obvious, I'd wager.

Also I would like to share the following video as food for thought. Seemed relevant to the situation here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WXt6VpXCKk

"and who should be held responsible for any children that come from these extracurricular matings"

So if a man cheats with many different women during his marriage, and all of those women become pregnant, the women should demand paternity testing? There is a possibility for a man to father MANY children outside of his marriage. I know this was supposed to be something to "criticize" women, but this can work against men as well. Can you imagine if a man cheats with say 12 different women and they all become pregnant by him?

For some reason you're still overpolarizing this. But of course a man should be held responsible for any children he creates. And if he doesn't want to be held accountable for the children he brings into the world, then he should think about that before he takes those various women to bed. Somebody who has sex with 12 women and gets them pregnant is not being responsible, even worse if he was cheating on his wife when he did this. Obviously, right? No one is arguing that men should get away with cheating, so why introduce that stance into the conversation when it was never presented? When adults make mistakes they need to own up to it. What I don't agree with is deliberately not claiming one's own children, or passing off the kids as someone else's, which tends to happen when somebody gets pregnant during infidelity. It's wrong either way, whether the woman tries to hide the true paternity and cuckold her partner/husband, or if a man goes outside of his relationship and makes babies with other women and doesn't want to take care of his children. They're both steaming piles of cow manure in my book. Mandatory paternity testing would discourage people from thinking they can pull this stuff without being put on front street and being held accountable. The thing I find really disturbing however, is how the courts currently treat situations where it has been proven by DNA that the "father" is not really the biological father after all, rather he has been tricked into providing and caring for children that are not his, against his will. After the fact, it seems as if they just want to stick someone with the bill. The man who did not father the child is legally held responsible for the child his wife made when she cheated on him, and not only is there the financial hit he takes from this, he has to endure the emotional and psycological pain from what she did. To call this unfair would be a severe understatement...but yet all a cheating wife has to deal with is her shame, assuming she has any, brought upon by her own actions. Women cannot be cuckolded, they know that any children they have are theirs without a doubt, so I don't expect you to understand where I am coming from on this, or why men would tend to have concerns in this area. Then there is the melarchy some people give about keeping the truth under wraps because they are afraid it will destroy the marriage. No, the cheating and lying and backstabbing is what destroyed the marriage. The truth is what the betrayed partner deserves to hear. The truth coming out allows appropriate action to be taken, i.e. leaving the cheater. So therefore I think that despite all the excuse making for why cheating happens (hormones, evolution, bad choices, etc.), given the understanding of the facts, anyone who is against mandatory paternity testing has something to hide.

Regarding the video, the point is, one can criticize the behavior of a few without hating them or projecting that behavior onto all. Please remember that when you respond to these kinds of comments.

The question here is "are women hardwired to cheat?"

And do you buy the hormonal argument?

Just because someone has urges does that mean they are let off the hook as far as their personal accountability?

And what are the implications for relationships and marriages if "highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by long term partners and are motivated to seek out more desirable partners" ?

Do you think this is acceptable? Do you think women have a right to do this? And if so, why?

I am sure you would not think that men have a right to cheat because of a high testosterone level.....or for any other reason.

I ask these questions because there is a need to discuss matters like this intellectually so that we may understand them better.

"Regarding the video, the point is, one can criticize the behavior of a few without hating them or projecting that behavior onto all. Please remember that when you respond to these kinds of comments. "

I find it ironic you say that. I believe that MOST men are decent and NOT like the men who frequent this blog. That psuedo nice guy count themselves among decent men is insulting and it makes it that much harder for genuine nice guys. Harder, but not impossible.

And I know this topic is mainly to call women sluts and whores in a roundabout way. Of course nobody has any harsh words for the man who knows a woman might be carrying his child, but gladly lets another man take all the responsibility. Do men mainly care about taking care of offspring in regards to how it affects their finances?

No one is hard-wired to cheat! It comes down to freedom to chose what one wants to commit to. To say it is this or that is to cowardly avoid their own consequences of ones action. Remember, every human has free will to decide what they want to do!

I second that.

I don't think it's anything to do with that. So many things contribute towards cheating, like boredom in the relationship, lack of trust etc and I believe most people are tempted at some time. You could be feeling low and someone pays you a compliment, or someone flirts with you on social networking sites like facebook. If things are wrong with your relationship and opportunities come up it then boils down to moral integrity. It's harder to stay faithful but why risk everything for a bit of short lived sexual gratification? My website has advice, support and products to help if you suspect your partner of cheating so have a look.

At the end of the day it is still freedom of will. I will not buy into boredom or whatever is the excuse of the day. No one has a gun to the head of a cheater when they disgrace themselves with the putrid smell of adultery! What can one say about this narcissism epidemic sweeping western society !? It is an individual decision to sleep with another and not other factors. It is a coward that makes up excuses!